Anyone out there who knows me, like in real life, knows I’ve been complaining and whining about the hassle of nursing/breastfeeding for several months now. And even before that, I was very much looking forward to leaving pumping and expressing milk at work when Ike turned one. I want to be done with nursing. I want to have wine with dinner. I want to retire the clickable nursing bras to the attic. I’m so over it.
Well, Ike seems to be starting to wean. And I am devastated. I know what I said. And I think I meant it, I really do want to be done. But the actually finishing makes me sad. This wonderful roller coaster ride of a journey may be coming to an end.
Ike’s totally fine going to bed with a bottle of cow’s milk. He sleeps exactly the same. He will accept a bottle instead when he wakes up during the night (yes that still happens). He’s pretty much indifferent and I think that I have been unconsciously continuing despite him. There’s been only once in the past two or so weeks that he differentiated to me that he would prefer to nurse over taking a bottle at bed time. I obliged with no hesitation, but I think I could have urged him on back to the bottle with little resistance. And this morning he asked for milk, and maybe he would have accepted a bottle, but at 4:45am, I’m thinking convenience.
For a while I wanted to keep going until he started school. But I figure now is as good of time as any. Especially since I don’t intend to continue very far into him beginning school.
Honestly, I am not sure what I am waiting for. I did want this to happen. I wanted to stop, but I also wanted him to want to stop. Both seem to be happening, so why I am having so much trouble letting go?