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The Struggle is Real

My first week back to work was last week.  I remembered feeling so painfully sad to have left Ike when I went back to work from my first maternity leave.  And I felt that same pain of separation when I had to leave Eleanor.  I also remember feeling anxious about pumping at work, but I felt prepared this time.  I have learned so much more about breastfeeding since Ike was a newborn.  I am an old pro…

The feeling I didn’t remember when I went back to work last time is overwhelmed! 

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There’s work.  Obviously there’s work to be done, I have returned to WORK!
Then there’s also all the work that didn’t get done before the baby came.  Because obviously that just sat around the whole time I was on leave and suddenly needed to be dealt with the moment I returned.

There’s mornings.  There is so much more to deal with in the mornings now.  Ike stayed home with my mother his first year, so I didn’t have to do anything or take him anywhere, and I came home and the laundry was done.  Now suddenly there’s toddler bags to be packed and bottles to be made (washed AND made) and blankets to launder.  And all that stuff plus my work stuff plus the pumping stuff PLUS the two children have to make it in the car before we can even begin our day.  Oh and they both probably need to eat first too.

There’s pumping. Three times a day at work.  Make milk tea every time I pump, because am not pumping as much as she drinks.  Push pumping session because meeting has just been scheduled.  Don’t forget the tea!  Go back into the building and get the milk you forgot in the fridge.  Lol pumping was the one thing I thought I was prepared for.  I have not yet forgotten any of the parts or supplies I need…I am sure that will happen next week now that I’ve put it out there.

Then there’s evenings.  Have to leave work by 4:30, pickup children, listen to the little one scream all the way home.  Get home.  Calm baby.  Change toddler from underwear to pull-up.  Convince him to go potty. Feed the baby.  Make dinner.  Bathe.  Bedtimes.  Dishes.  Laundry.  Bottles.   Lunch.  OMG it’s 11pm.

Wake up at 5am and start again.

It’s overwhelming and discouraging because most of the time I feel like I am failing at all of it.  But then I see these faces, and they are just fine.  We are all just fine.

 

 

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